WITCH ASTEROID

The 40th day of Summer in the Dying Lands... 6AM. Zaq's final fuck, marry, kill, mostly revolving around Daniel the townsperson (who keeps referencing "penis strings" and claims he's a virgin). Stile says he'll fuck him later for real, and Daniel accepts. Zaq cartwheels out of view and wishes the Motherfuckers good luck, explaining how he's going to loot the town dry while they explore the swamp. Fredrik, Joy, and Rake stay in town. The party prepares the items they're going to bring with them, as they won't be able to take Blasterace. Captain Roger joins the Motherfuckers.  Fever Swamp 1PM. The swamp's entrance. The party climbs aboard Captain Roger's raft and floats downstream.  2PM. Drowned corpses lay still at the bottom of the swamp. Roger gets tracy out and holds his stance, ready to inject at the sign of Hunger. Gorthron brings his joke book out for the first time in what could be a month and tells a joke. It flops. Roger tells a fish...

  The 37th day of Summer in the Dying Lands... 1AM. Gorthron's on watch, as the rest of the party sleeps.  3AM. The blood moon charges, emitting a giant laser beam down to the surface of the world in the far distance. The sky sits empty of light. No more moon, no stars. Red electricity rattles through the ground, and it gets warmer.  4AM. Mistress, a cowboy dominatrix on the run, arrives bearing a torch in the pitch black of night. She joins the Motherfuckers on their journey, riding her horse.  5AM. Feyrien watch. 6AM. A skeleton with pinpoints of red light in its eye sockets shambles out of the field wielding a bronze sword from antiquity, shuddering towards Feyrien. She Turns Undead and wakes the rest of the party. Jane and Seth Blue's corpses rise from their freshly dug graves and start limping towards Blasterace. Gorthron kicks the wagon into high-gear and races South. The Undead 12AM. Skeletons and freshly dead buried corpses keep rising from the road. A p...

The 36th day of Summer in the Dying Lands... 10PM. The Motherfuckers approach the commune of Scrap; three habitable buildings among a ruined village. A small garden, with more crops in development, and a cleared field by two tall trees. Malachi, a ragged swordsman introduces himself and the commune. Fredrik, Joy, Rake, and Jane are the other members of the group. Seth Blue says goodbye to the party and joins the others.  Scrap The Motherfuckers and Malachi investigate a wagon that Malachi says was left by Western Front soldiers (and was instructed NOT to investigate). They uncover the tarp, and it looks like Blasterace. Stile checks inside and sees a pile of dead bodies, the ones on top appearing like the Western Front soldiers the Motherfuckers killed in the past. 10:30PM. Malachi stands by the wagon, waiting for the soldiers to return. The Motherfuckers hide in the trees, alerting Zaq to come to their rescue when Feyrien whistles. Stile checks the wagon once more, finding Calyps...

Motherfuckers Prime, the first campaign in the Dying Lands. A mix of Mörk Borg’s setting, Shadowdark’s ruleset, and lots of homebrew. Players: Henry Park, James Moutsos, Jill Gotz, and Nico Sweeney. Imported from Medium.com Day 35, 10:00pm — Sleeping. Victoria on watch. A baby starts crying in the distant field. Day 36, 1:00am — Feyrien on watch. Baby stops crying, very suddenly. Feyrien enters the fields to investigate and gets caught in a caltrop trap. Bandits immediately rise out of the grass and fire their shortbows. More bandits in the distance, from the direction of the baby cries, follow. Feyrien whistles, waking Stile and Victoria. Stile wakes up Gorthron, who exits the wagon to hunt the bandits. Victoria goes unconscious after taking a couple arrows from the bandits when she started firing on them. Feyrien makes it safely back to the wagon and the bandits run into the night. Gorthron has an argument with Feyrien, and the rest of the Motherfuckers, about safety and trust and wa...

Motherfuckers Prime, the first campaign in the Dying Lands. A mix of Mörk Borg’s setting, Shadowdark’s ruleset, and lots of homebrew. Players: Henry Park, James Moutsos, Jill Gotz, and Nico Sweeney. Imported from Medium.com Day 35, 10:00am — Outside one of Grift’s bridges, adventuring on the road to Brandonsford. The party makes friendship bracelet pacts out of the Western Kingdom’s tall grass. 11:00am — Gub, a short bastard merchant, sells the party basic wares, armors, and weapons. Gorthron becomes invisible and pickpockets him. 3:00pm — Hunting. 5:00pm — Feyrien starts to befriend a feather fox she finds while hunting. The party hunts and kills one of the thirteen legendary bautaboar that roam the Western Kingdom. Bautaboar 9:00pm — The Motherfuckers finish skinning the bautaboar. The feather fox continues to curiously follow Feyrien, Stile dons his new bautaboar cloak, complete with intact boataboar head, and Feyrien scans the remaining boar bones and has the divine vision of a mag...

Motherfuckers Prime, the first campaign in the Dying Lands. A mix of Mörk Borg’s setting, Knave 2e’s rules, and lots of homebrew. Players: Henry Park, James Moutsos, Jill Gotz, and Nico Sweeney. Imported from Medium.com Day 22, 5:00am — The Motherfuckers travel to the southwestern Grift bridge. 9:00am — The party’s caravan of Blasterace and Witch Asteroid start following a road chase between 20 Western Front soldiers and 6 cloaked runners. They decide to send Zaq around the side of the road with Witch Asteroid, and drive Blasterace straight into the horde of soldiers. Battle ensues, the Motherfuckers becoming greatly outnumbered. The cloaked runners reveal themselves as Mascot Guild assassins. The assassins flee the battle. Calypso is swarmed and killed. Pandorog is killed. Blasterace is raided in the middle of the combat and stolen by the Western Front soldiers. The tea merchant is executed. They soldiers chase after the fleeing assassins and run them over, killing them. The Western F...

Motherfuckers Prime, the first campaign in the Dying Lands. A mix of Mörk Borg’s setting, Knave 2e’s rules, and lots of homebrew. Players: Henry Park, James Moutsos, Jill Gotz, and Nico Sweeney. Imported from Medium.com Day 20, 8:00am — The Motherfuckers visited Tyler the merchant and bought some Grift dog jerky and a tin of rub in exchange for some coins and chump joints. The sweltering Summer sun made the party want to cool off and clean up, so they took a spa morning at the Grey Galth Inn’s bath room. Zaq, a self-proclaimed sophist, sat in the corner and asked the philosophical question of Fuck, Marry, Kill. After mentioning that he’s a naked wandering highwayman the Motherfuckers asked if he wanted to join them. Zaq became their new companion (1/1): Zaq ; Lv. 1 Naked Wanderer (1000/2000 EXP), Sophist HP  4/4  AC  11  (towel)   STR +1 WIS +1 DEX +1 Shiv d6 Skinny, pale 80-year-old man with an old man’s gut, wild gray beard, and stringy hair. Philosophically o...

Motherfuckers Prime, the first campaign in the Dying Lands. A mix of Mörk Borg’s setting, Knave 2e’s rules, and lots of homebrew. Players: Henry Park, James Moutsos, Jill Gotz, and Nico Sweeney. Imported from Medium.com Day 15, 2:00pm — Traveling back to Haum. The party passes a group of basilisk inquistors on their way to provoke Violence. Unbeknownst to the inquisitors, Gorthron casts Marble Madness on their leader. That night the party has nightmares about a blood moon, red lightning, and bottomless pits. Day 16 As the party travels they find a failed deal on the side of the road in the form of two corpses. Notably amongst them is the Foehammer, which Calypso equips. On the first watch that night Calypso witnesses the moon turning red, with night lightning cracking. Later during Stile’s watch he has an encounter with Rofo via his black carriage. Rofo instructs Stile to tell Gorthron and company to visit his abandoned lounge, find his paintings, and deliver them back to Grift. Stile ...

Motherfuckers Prime, the first campaign in the Dying Lands. A mix of Mörk Borg’s setting, Knave 2e’s rules, and lots of homebrew. Players: Henry Park, James Moutsos, Jill Gotz, and Nico Sweeney. Imported from Medium.com Day 13, 12:00pm — Nothing of note, just another day on the road to the city of Grift. Day 14 — The party finds an abandoned keep and explores it. Calypso uncovers some rubble and finds the Chains of Death, a magical set of manacles, which Stile keeps. Victoria socializes with some crows in the courtyard and makes a friend, a crow named “ERR EEHN” (Ernie) who hangs out inside the party’s new birdcage they have hanging in their wagon. Stile and Gorthron climb the tower, finding destroyed briefcases. In the only intact briefcase they find a bag of seeds: Flower of Disease. Stile finds half of a treasure map leading to the Galgenbeck catacombs. On the first floor of the tower there’s an alchemist hermit mixing potions with miniature tools. He pranks Stile, giving him a poti...