MFP 1: Haum

Motherfuckers Prime, the first campaign in the Dying Lands. A mix of Mörk Borg’s setting, Knave 2e’s rules, and lots of homebrew.

Players: Henry Park, James Moutsos, Jill Gotz, and Nico Sweeney.

Imported from Medium.com

The Dying Lands

Day 1 —

Teenage, chump-addicted delinquent Gorthron “Son of Death” and gold-skinned guard Calypso awake from a corpse pile on the plains of Grift and head to a nearby village. Investigator Victoria Hildegard and shepherd-archer Stile Bright get to know each other at the village’s inn, the Grey Galth. Gorthron and Calypso (having just realized she now possess a crescent-shaped halberd and golden skin) arrive at the village of Haum, enter the Grey Galth inn, and sit at the same table as Victoria and Stile.

The four uncover that they’ve all died, or so they thought. They remember being in the city of Grift, a giant falling from the sky, and mass destruction. Noticing the pleasant summer wind, it must’ve been months since the wintery attack on Grift. The party meets Argval Galth, the bartender, who offers them ale and a meal, at which they realize they’re broke. Argval pitches the idea of the party working for him as couriers, explaining that Grift has been taken over by a giant named Violence so trade is difficult. The party sounds interested, notices a scary motherfucker in the corner of the bar, and decides to explore the rest of the village.

The party explores an old barn and finds it stacked full of bodies. Gorthron searches the corpses and finds a ring (a ring of invisibility, unbeknownst to him). Later they head to the town square, which has turned into a homeless camp and market center. Gorthron sells his ring for 9 coin, which happens to be the exact amount they owe Argval for drinks. The scary motherfucker finds them in the square and introduces himself as Pandorog the Masticator. Victoria and Calypso know him to be an infamous serial killer on the run from Grift officials. Pandorog explains how Haum hosts a non-lethal torunament for newcomers every night called the Bone Royale. Four other travelers are participating, and the party must join or be, very bluntly put by Pandorog, easily killed.

Nervous about the many odd details of Haum, the party converges in the abandoned library to converse. On the way back to the inn they pass a charred chapel of the church of the two-headed basilisk. Inside is the burnt corpse of a dead alchemist, cauldrons and bottles spread around her. Her ghost floats through the closest wall and introduces herself as Cydwin. She explains how she accidentally killed herself and requires one of the many necromancers of Haum to re-animate her body so she can finish the potion she was brewing. The mention of “many necromancers” in this small village sounds suspicious, and the party agree to help, but don’t have the funds to hire a necromancer yet. They head back to the inn.

At the Grey Galth the party meets their other competitors for the Bone Royale. A peasant introduces himself as Domn, and sitting next to him are three other peasants (their names were never asked for). Domn quickly lets it slip that he and his newly-met companions here are all murderers and a necromancer on the run from various cities across the Dying Lands. The party discovers that Haum isn’t a small peasant village, but the secluded hideout for the nastiest criminals, all of them in disguise except Pandorog. Calypso and the necromancer of the group make a deal. If Calypso wins the Bone Royale, the necromancer has to help them re-animate Cydwin’s body. If the necromancer wins, the party owes her a favor.

Pandorog rounds up today’s travelers outside Haum near the corpse piles. Battle ensues, Stile wrecking absolute havoc on the battlefield with his bow. Calypso takes down the necromancer, while the rest of the party feigns unconsciousness. The Bone Royale ends. On their way back to the inn, a massive multi-winged falcon drops a figure from the sky. He lands, revealing himself as Thresh Brecker, debt collecter for the Shadow King. He whips Victoria, but Stile jumps in the way to take the blow. It turns out Victoria, Stile, and Calypso owe the Shadow King a great debt. And it also turns out Gorthron is Thresh’s adoptive runaway son. Thresh tries to briefly reconnect with Gorthron, and Gorthron rejects him. Thresh announces he’ll be back in a month’s time. If the party doesn’t have the money by then he’ll imprison them in the Shadow King’s palace, and bring Gorthron back home. On their way back to the inn Stile spots a boy dashing towards the barn.

The necromancer agrees to buy drinks for the party. Stile and Calypso quickly pass out, as Gorthron and Victoria try to get the necromancer drunk so she buys them even more drinks. Eventually the inn clears out. Victoria and Calypso head to their rooms at the Grey Galth, courtesy of particpating in the Bone Royale. Meanwhile, Stile and Gorthron decide to investigate the barn. Stile notices the boy run inside the barn doors. The two climb the side and hide in the rafters. A massive flesh giant uncloaks in the corner of the barn. The previously-invisible muscular golem starts walking towards the boy. Its chest opens up to form a kind of cavity or cockpit. The boy steps inside. Then the golem looks up at Stile and Gorthron.

— 10:00PM